I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
