ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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