if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want nice things and good sex
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
