i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
