plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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