And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
