the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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