BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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