I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
