umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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