This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
