he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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