STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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