Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
