I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
