They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
