On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
