I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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