deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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