remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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