these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
