i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
