Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
