I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
