I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
