The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
