That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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