awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
