Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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