his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
