so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
