Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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