Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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