It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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