You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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