Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
