I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
