i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
