i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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