I wish I could punch you in the face.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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