I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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