I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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