Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
