i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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