haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
