you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
