Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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