respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think my moral compass just broke
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
