D3 body, D1 cock
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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