We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
