were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
