your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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