Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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