After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
