Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
