new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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