he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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