"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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