How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
