girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
