3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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