i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
