This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
