We're facebook friends in real life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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