very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
