Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
