Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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