the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
