So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
