Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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