Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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