question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
